July 20, 2021

4 adult things I don't want (that I probably will at some point.)

4 adult things I don't want (that I probably will at some point.)

As all of you are aware, I’m obsessed with getting better every day. 

Lots of you say you want to improve yourselves, perhaps by going to the gym or by reading a good book. But something often comes up that prevents those things from happening, right?* Some “adult” responsibility you’ve created for yourself?

I get it. The apartment looks messy. Your boyfriend demands you attend his work event. The dog needs a bath.

But the absolute best thing about my digital nomad lifestyle?

I don’t have any such responsibilities.

The only obligations I have are to me, you, and my work clients.

And it’s so liberating.

I can pick up and move anywhere I want to, when I want to. I don’t need to consult anyone or seek someone else’s approval. I’m headed to New York City this weekend, Boston next, and Philadelphia after that, well, just because I can.

I plan on living this way for years to come.

But, I do imagine I’ll “grow up” and change my mind at some point. It could be in two years, five years, or maybe 15. Perhaps I might actually want some of the things on the following list, or to settle down.

Or maybe I won't want them, but I'll begrudgingly cave into external pressure anyway. 

So until then, here’s four basic adult things I'm not feeling right now.

1. A house

Of the four items on this list, this is the one I’m most bullish on.

Before you lecture me with the “a house is the best investment you’ll ever make” speech, hear me out.

You’ve listened to this podcast for nearly a year now. So, you’ve probably noticed that I change my mind frequently. Many of us do.

Knowing me, do you think I can choose a house and then still like it six months later? 

(pause to let you think about it)

Good. Me neither.

I’ll stick with my year-to-year or month-to-month leases. The easy opt-out of a lease comforts me, whereas a “30-year mortgage” frightens the hell out of me. 

And yes, I understand that the value of a house increases greatly over time. My parents have owned our Clifton Park house for 22 years now, and they stand to make a $200,000 profit if they were to sell today.

It’s undeniably a tremendous financial investment.

But it’s a terrible life investment.

Because at some point, we fall out of love with the house, right? Once the kids move out, it might not feel like home anymore. Or maybe we outgrow the area.

And I hear people talk about how they’d like to downsize and move somewhere else, maybe out West or to the countryside.

But they rarely do.

Rather than live a life that would make them happy, people choose unhappiness in a space that doesn’t fulfill them anymore, justifying that decision by saying it will provide them with more money for retirement.

Or...you could live where you want to and enjoy your life more when you're younger, healthier and can do more cool shit.

Why are we taught that college and retirement are the best times of our lives?

Do the 40 years in between not matter?

AND on top of that, people accumulate so much stuff, filling every nook and cranny of the home with unnecessary items. Moving all of that stuff presents an incredibly daunting (and expensive) task, so people choose to just stay put.

Hence another feather in the cap of minimalism.

Oh, and a lawn? No thanks. 

Plumbing issues? You can miss me with that.

Those problems require time and money, two precious resources that I’m not willing to give up. I’ll let the landlord deal with it.

Listen, I understand that buying a home, fixing it up and staying awhile creates an opportunity for great financial gain.

But you can’t put a price tag on happiness.

2. A dog

I briefly considered getting a dog.

When I was in Denver, one of the most dog-friendly cities in America, I felt left out. Nearly everybody walking around owned one, and I felt like I needed a dog just to fit in.

Plus, a dog is man’s best friend, and I definitely desire some good company from time-to-time.

But, for as cute and lovable as dogs are, they’re just so damn needy.

For example, my brother has a dog, and this dog has some issues that seemingly pop up every other week. So, Brady and his fiancee have to scrap their plans to care for the dog instead.

No thanks. 

I’ve spent most of 2021 on-the-go, and even though I’m moving to Portsmouth, New Hampshire next month, I still plan on traveling quite often.

If I owned a dog, it'd be difficult to do that. I’d have to hire a dog sitter or leave it with family/friends, and that’s a burden I don’t want to place on anyone else.

Plus, a barking dog in the background would prevent me from recording high-quality podcasts!

3. Children

If I can’t commit to a dog, then there’s no way I can commit to a living, breathing, human being.

For someone who’s obsessed with his health (a blog post coming soon on that), I’m just not willing to have my precious sleep cycle interrupted by a screaming child at 2 a.m.

My understanding is that children raise all hell for the first few years, draining their parents of so much time, energy and healthy habits in the process.

Again, more sacrifices I’m just not willing to make.

Is that selfish?

Absolutely.

But at 25 years old, I have to be selfish. I can’t take care of a tiny human until I’m comfortable enough taking care of myself.

There’s no chance that I have a child before I’m 30. Beyond that, I still don’t know if I’ll ever want one.

I’ve watched so many parents give up their own dreams to focus on caring for a child instead. And once that child enters adulthood, the parents no longer have an identity because they’ve spent so many years focusing on someone else, losing sense of their own purpose along the way.

And I’m just not interested in that.

But, as I grow older and watch my closest friends have children, I imagine I might get jealous and want a little human of my own.

4. A wife

This is definitely the one that I think is most likely to change as time goes on. But let’s discuss anyways.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely want a partner to share my life with. There’s something truly special in having that kind of bond with another person.

For a number of reasons, I’ve largely stayed out of the dating game for the past seven years. But I think I’m nearly ready to get back into it. A new beginning in New Hampshire will help me with that.

But marriage? I’m just not sure.

It’s an unsettling feeling -- legally binding myself to someone else. Two separate individuals become one entity, sharing all sorts of responsibilities, and not to mention, finances.

I’d prefer to maintain my independence, and for my partner to do the same.

Divorces get messy. Really messy. Not that I’d enter a marriage thinking it would end that way, but anything is possible, of course. 

And that’s just something I’d really like to steer away from.

Weddings are great, but I think a smaller “commitment ceremony” can do the trick just as well.

If you disagree with this one, or any of the above, let me know! I'd love to hear you thoughts.

 

For more from me and my life, please check out The Troy Farkas Show right here or wherever you get your podcasts.

*I’m not perfect; I make excuses too. I usually just resort to work tasks that need to get done, although they can definitely wait in favor of more important things.