July 15, 2021

I've FINALLY decided where to live.

I've FINALLY decided where to live.

Since November 2020, I've existed only in a cloud of uncertainty. On today's episode, I explain why that's finally about to change.


peace and love.

Transcript

Good morning, everyone. Welcome to another episode of The Troy Farkas Show, a podcast that is not about me. It's about. The twenties, right? Crucial time in our lives. And on this show, we navigate the highs and lows of early adulthood together. Happy Thursday, everyone hope you all are having a wonderful week that you're getting after it, that you are watching a good show when you go home at night, maybe.

Yeah. You're reading a good book. That is a personal favorite of mine. Hope you're, uh, exercising, maybe hopping on the bike, going for a run. I went for a good run myself the other day. Got a good lifting session. Uh, earlier today, followed by a smoothie at fruit loop, which is if you're in Clifton park, New York, a fantastic  smoothie place.

I finally joined the rewards program today after going there about a dozen times in my life so far. So super glad that I've done that. And I hope all of the best for you. I come to you with some big news. In my life. Um, I've got a new blog post up on TheTroyFarkasShow.com about success versus struggle, and is sustaining success perhaps more difficult than navigating through struggle.

That is something that I've really been thinking about. Over the past week or two as I go deeper into my solo endeavors in the work world. But that is a podcast for a different day, because I do want to give you guys some of the news. I have decided finally, after months, months, even years of going back and forth in my own mind, being trapped in my own mind all the time, which I am, I have decided where to live.

I have decided. On a place to call home before I reveal that I kind of want to give you guys the entire backstory into why I have determined to choose this place in January of 2021. I knew I was leaving Connecticut. I knew I was leaving ESPN. And some of you who have been listening to the show, know some of the details, but I just want to give it all to you guys clear straight from me, January, 2020.

I was leaving ESPN. I was leaving Connecticut. I knew it. I didn't know quite how or when, what it will all would look like, but I knew I was leaving because I was leaving my apartment in Connecticut. I knew I needed something to do. So I finessed my way into being able to work remotely. Full-time for ESPN in February.

And I went over to Boston to hang out with Ben Sibson, my best friend, and a bunch of his roommates and girlfriend, and a lot of my other friends, because I had, I had written out on a napkin in January that my plan was, I want to be in Boston or I want to be in Denver. There is no. For anything else? It's one of those two places because Boston is this place where I'm familiar with it.

I know it's a city that I like. It's historic. It there's so much to do there. Great beer scene, a lot of great friends. It's close to home. It's close to Connecticut. It checked a lot of boxes for me. And so I was really interested. And calling that place home. The other spot was Denver, Colorado. I'd fallen in love with it in 2018.

When I went there and said to myself, I need to go back there at some point. This is so cool. There's so much to do here. This is so my vibe that I need to go do this at some point. So it was Boston, Denver, no room for anything in between. So the plan. Go to Boston in February, did that now may already be the worst month to ever go to Boston in February the worst month of the winter during a pandemic.

So the time in Boston was not that great, but I've had so many other great times in Boston before that I didn't let that cloud my judgment and perception of the city, but then I, after that decided, all right, I'm going to Denver. Left the job finesse my way into a work from anywhere, or I want new gig, um, couple of new gigs that I had lined up when I went to Denver.

So I was feeling good about that was staying with a family friend, essentially my, my uncle's girlfriend had a house and I was essentially staying in her finished basement, which was a really nice basement. So, um, I said, I'm going to Denver, I'm scratching this itch of mine that I've had that. At any point over the past couple years, three, four years in the adult world, whenever things hit the fan, whenever shit didn't go my way.

Whenever I was sad, whenever something popped up that made me reevaluate my life. I always had this thought in the back of my mind that I need to go to Denver. I need to go there. I belong there. I have to experiment. I have to get out of this comfort zone of mine and go out somewhere. Do something new somewhere else.

So I knew I wanted to go there, hence why I had it out there at the beginning of March. And my plan was to stay there for three months. And after those three months come back to the Northeast for a minute and see how I feel. Do I love it so much that I want to stay there forever? Or do I call it a day or call it a couple of months and be glad that I got the experience and, you know, rest easily knowing that.

That thought is no longer in the back of my mind that I wasn't afraid to do something that I, I took a big risk and then I did something completely on my own. And, um, and then I'd be okay with that. So that was kind of the plan that I sketched out, Boston, Denver, and both out. See how we feel. In the year, I ended up ducking out of Colorado a little bit earlier than expected, just because I was getting kind of lonely.

And I, um, you know, I had a bunch of family and friends out in other places out west, so I wanted to go see them, hence why I went to Arizona and hanging with my dad for a couple of weeks. And yeah. Connecticut roommate, Amanda lives in Gilbert, Arizona. So I got to hang out with her and, um, you know, go to Sedona with her and spend a lot of time in the car with her.

I went to the grand canyon and just saw a really cool part of the world. Then I saw a bunch of my mom's side of the family in California. Then I went up to Oregon to hang out with Matt w in bend and Redmond. And then myself over in Portland, then in June, came back to Massachusetts with the friends New Hampshire.

Linda's birthday weekend, which was so much fun and something I was really looking forward to then back to New York for Leanna's wedding to be with the people that mean the most in the world to me. And then here we are in July hanging out in upstate New York, still doing a little traveling here and there, but kind of just working on my business right now while I prepare for a move in August.

To ultimately somewhere that I want to settle down as much as I've loved this traveling around thing. I am ready to have a little certainty in my life because since November, when I got told to these big changes at ESPN, my life has been in utter chaos. To be honest with you, because job has been.

Fluctuating all of the time of location has been fluctuating all the time. And when I was in Colorado in April, I started really, really thinking about where am I going to live? It really started creeping into my mind, dominating every thought in my mind, when I was in Fort Collins, I just remembered sipping a coffee, uh, at this beautiful little coffee shop in downtown Foco.

And I'm sitting there thinking to myself, Shit. Am I, am I going to live here? Am I going to call Colorado home? Am I going to, am I, am I about to do this? Like I love Colorado. This place is amazing. This is awesome. It's outdoorsy. The people are so nice. It's so different. The history is so different. The scenery is so different.

The air is literally so different and the Mexican food is really good. So all of these things just made me fall in love with Colorado, but there was something missing the whole time. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But there was, and I was thinking to myself every day, when I woke up middle of the day on my walks at night, thinking to myself, do I belong here?

Or do I belong back in the Northeast where I've always belonged and where I'm been been from. And we're a bunch of people are order, or should I be out here this completely new thing, because. As you know, I'm very into self-improvement I'm into challenging myself. I'm into getting out of my comfort zone.

A part of me thinks that if I choose to go back to the Northeast, that that's taking the easy way out, that that means I'm soft at that means I can't handle it. That being in Colorado, although it might be tough, it's forces me. To learn new things about myself, to learn new things about the world, to go and meet new people.

Whereas I might not have to do that as much back in the Northeast. So there's been just kind of two people on my shoulders at all times, one side telling me, take the easy way out one side telling me don't take the easy way, easy way out. You might struggle this way, but you will ultimately be better for it.

Learn more about yourself, more about the world and. That is the way that you should go. And so I kind of had these two, you know, an angel and a devil on my shoulder at all times for so long, over the past few months, and I've gone back and forth. So, so many times in my mind, I have a joke with my family.

They would ask me where's the meter at today, because it would literally change like. I would say, yeah, I'm like 80% moving to Denver today and, oh, I'm, I'm about 90% moving to Boston today. And that would be just in a 24 hours span. Something would happen that would make, be like, yep. I just went for an amazing bike ride on the cherry Creek trail outside of Denver.

I could do that. Every Saturday for the rest of my life. But then I would also get on the phone with a friend from the Northeast and say to myself afterwards, man, I love that person. I want to go be near that person and hang out with that person as much as I can. It would literally change like that every day.

Which is kind of representative of me and how all of us kind of think about a lot of things. We change our minds every day, all the time. And this location thing was no exception. And so over the past few weeks, as I've really, really had to think about it, um, luckily I have been in a stable position. My family is, has taken me in for, you know, about a month, which has been nice, but yeah.

I do need to make a decision. And so at some point in this process, I had decided that Boston was no longer, right. Boston didn't make sense because if I'm working remotely, full-time. Why should I live in Boston? If I'm not working there, if I'm not studying there, if you don't know Boston is outrageously expensive, more so than Denver, the people in Denver think Denver is expensive and they're like, Hey, you know, the people in Denver would say, Hey, uh, be sure you can afford.

I'm like, dude, uh, I'm thinking about living in Boston. I can afford Denver. It's crazy how big the difference is despite I would think Denver being a nicer city than Boston, but I digress at some point. I decided Boston's not right for me. Let me look around the area. Maybe outside of Boston, maybe there's a town that's less expensive or that's really cool.

That's worth exploring. Couldn't really find it. I eventually decided on New Hampshire. What if I lived in New Hampshire? There's no state, no state tax, no state sales tax, no income tax. It's the borders like 30, 40 minutes away. If you're talking about Nashua. So was thinking about Nashville. Uh, I was eventually thinking about Portsmouth, New Hampshire, which is this awesome sea coast town.

Uh, I think it's like a college town. Ish. UNH is, is just around the corner perhaps. And, uh, I'd heard a lot of good things about it. So I thought I kept that in the back of my mind as I weighed this decision. And so I actually went to Portsmouth a few days ago. To scope it out to see is this a place that I want to be?

And I went there for the day, scoped out the town, the food, seen the people seeing the apartment scene. I I'd seen a bunch of places like a dozen places in Colorado. Shout out to Gina for helping me out there. And in New Hampshire, I just saw kind of in New Hampshire. I just saw a couple of places there myself, um, to see, you know, can I live here?

And after doing that the next day, as I often do, and I need to make a big decision. I went for a long walk and I said to myself, going into that walk, I don't know what I'm going to decide on this, but whatever I do decide will be my final answer. Um, I need to clear my head, no phone with me. No music, no distractions, no anything.

Talk out loud to myself. Like I'm talking to you all right now, but do it without a microphone in my own head. To the trees, to the birds, let's make a decision here cause I'm tired of oscillating back and forth in my mind. I just want to make a decision. I just want to be a piece of it and I just want to move on.

And so the decision came down to Denver and Portsmouth and I kind of weighed the pros and cons of each of which. There are many. Some of which I've listed already. Um, but as I've mentioned on the podcast, sort of past few months, as you all have kind of been with me on my journey, hearing my thoughts, I mean, this is literally like a journal for me, um, that I get to tell you guys my thoughts and what's going on.

And I think a recurring theme of mine has been that it's not where, but who you're with that really matters. You can be in the coolest place in the world. But if, if you're not there sharing it with people that matter to you, then what's the point in my article a couple of weeks ago about success. I wrote that successes, love success is having people around you.

Success is people caring about you when you caring about them and you feeding off each other's energy and having these shared experiences with one another and doing things with one another and for another, and just being happy and present in that. And. On this walk. I, um, I thought back to the, to the handful of moments that I've been the happiest over the past year.

And one of them was new year's Eve with my friends in Connecticut, Connor, Jake. Cam went out to dinner is a pandemic. Went out to dinner, celebrated my birthday on new year's Eve as well. Um, once my favorite place went to one of my favorite breweries, went back to my house and just had a good time in the basement and just celebrate a new year.

It's just the five of us played some games and that was good enough for me. And the next day we watched new year's day football and that was good enough for me. That was a great day. And then there was, um, you know, a day in February when I was in Boston with Christina and Ashley and getting together, uh, with them in the north end for coffee.

That was a moment when I was really, really happy. And in the moment, um, there was this wedding. In June that I went to when I was with Shannon Taylor, Leanna, their significant others, uh, parents that I grew up with, I was really happy in that moment. As I said, a couple of weeks ago, uh, when I was in New Hampshire, camping with Ben, Linda and Chris.

Just to get away in nature, hiking, grilling over the fire, um, all that good stuff. And then there was the moment in maybe in April when I was, um, biking, I 40 mile bike ride on the cherry Creek trail in Denver. And. It was an amazing feeling. It was amazing exercise, a beautiful day someday. I got to see so much stuff on that trail.

You heard me talk about the trail a bunch because I loved it so much and I was truly happy in that moment, but simple math right there. There's a common theme here. I'm at my happiest, my best, my most present. Um, my most successful because success is low. When I'm surrounded by people that I care about and that care about me because when I'm with those people, they make me forget all of this shit that I deal with in my head.

24 7, all of the nagging, all of the anxiety, all of the jobs, stuff, all of the worrying and the, um, you know, am I good enough? Am I, am I healthy enough? Am I whatever enough. Um, when I'm with people that I care about, all of that goes away and I focus solely on being with those people. And if I were in Colorado, there were a couple moments, many moments for a couple of days there, um, where I was just.

Depressed where I was isolated, where I didn't feel like anyone cared because people just go on with their daily lives. People don't think about you as much as you would hope people don't reach out to you as often as you would like. And there were some days where I did. Could not get out of bed or didn't want to get out of bed or would take a nap and then would want to stay in bed.

And this is very uncharacteristic of me. So when I want to stay in bed, it is a sign that something is wrong. And there were a couple of days like that in Denver, where I was just crying. By sadness and loneliness and anxiety. And as much as I loved it, there truly loved that city loves the people that coffee, the healthiness, the bike lanes, the atmosphere, the mountains.

I loved it all, but none of it means anything. If you can't share it with people that you care about. If I could take my whole crew out to Denver with me, I would, and it would be a no brainer. I want to live there so badly, but I don't want to do it alone. I can't do it alone. And for that reason, I've decided to move to Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

Um, as you probably guessed, I'm doing so next month and I'm really excited about it. I found an apartment complex that I'll be able to live in work from home, from a work from home in, and, uh, it's just a couple of miles from the scenic historic downtown Portsmouth area. And, um, I'm really happy about it because.

It's kind of this middle ground between this, this freedom, this independence, this big risk, this going solo on my own thing that Denver brings and the safety and security of Boston in my people there. It's this middle ground where it's, it's, it's a new thing. It's an original thing. It's my own thing.

It's not following the crowd to Denver or following the crowd to Boston. It's a little zag. It's my own thing. But if I do at some point feel like I was in Denver for a couple of days, I do have that safety net of knowing that Boston is right there. That if I'm lost, if I'm broken, if I'm sad, if I'm doubting, worrying, struggling that I can go there and, or people can come to me and I can immediately be cured.

That is something that I'm, I'm really looking forward to knowing that. My people in Boston, my people in Connecticut, uh, will be there. I, I think I'll take great comfort in knowing that they're close and I probably won't see them as often as I'm thinking in my head right now. But just knowing that they're there that I can get to them in under an hour will be a really, really comforting thought for me, as I tackle everyday life working on my own.

You know, not communicating with many people, uh, outside of just a select few that I have to work with. So I think this is a decision that, um, I'm really excited for. Uh, I'm bums for some of the people that I met in Denver, that I'm not gonna be able to go hang out and see them again. But I think this is ultimately the right decision and I'm going to give it a year and we'll see, we'll see what happens from there.

And, uh, I guess I want to close with this kind of the. Maybe this is rhetorical question, but you know, I'm judging myself. I judge myself all the time about, you know, am I taking the easy way out here? Is New Hampshire the easy way out? Um, because like I said, I, I always feel the need that I have to push myself all the time that I have to do the hard thing all the time.

You know, it's called the easy thing for a reason. And people who take the easy street all the time, don't get anywhere in life. And that you, you must take the hard route. You must take the road less traveled. And I I'm guess I'm just kind of wondering, like, what's wrong with that. What is wrong with making the easier decision?

I think this, this is in some ways, an easy way out, in some ways it's not it's does feel like a bit of a cop out. Challenging myself. I'm not pushing myself to the brink that I'm not making life as hard as it can be. Who says life has to be so hard. Does it have to be so hard? Why do I have to make it so hard?

I'm hoping that with this decision, um, life will get a little bit easier. So, uh, moving to Portsmouth, New Hampshire in a month, super excited about it. Um, I'll have more on it. I'm sure. Over on the Trey Parker show.com, new blogs, a bunch of podcasts over there. Cati Hendron, who I spoke to last week, if you haven't heard it, go back and listen to it.

She's awesome. She's all over the place like me. Like all of us, like. But I hope that you get some clarity from this episode that it may be forces you to think about what's important to you where you belong, because I'm trying to find a place to belong. I'm trying to find a home. I'm not quite sure where home is, but I'm hoping.

Make New Hampshire into a home. So that's enough for me. Enjoy the track Saratoga racetrack. If you're in upstate New York, it officially opens today after taking the year off last year. Super excited to get back there this weekend. If you're there, let me know. We can link up, certainly go out and Toga this weekend.

If you guys are out here. In the, uh, 5, 1 8, but if not, have a great weekend, get outside. Do shit. You love be with people. You have to be present with them, put away the distractions, all that good stuff. I'll be back next week. I've got a guest lined up for next week. I've got more thoughts about things in life next week until then live for or die.

That's the New Hampshire motto. I'm going to say it a whole lot more. Peace.